DEAR ALLY: WHAT YOUR BLACK FRIENDS WANT YOU TO KNOW

The recent murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery have set in motion protests and riots around the nation. There’s a global conversation happening, and for some, the right thing to say doesn’t come easily.

African Americans have fought against systemic racism, microaggressions and police brutality for decades. As these issues suddenly become a mainstream crisis, it is somewhat exhausting for African Americans. Some wonder why it took so long for non-Blacks to pay attention. Others are just tapped out and don’t have the energy to comfort or educate potential allies.

In the days following Floyd’s death, many African Americans were inundated with messages from non-Black friends and co-workers. Many took to social media to express their frustration.

While the text messages, emails and social media DMs are appreciated, for some, it’s overwhelming, experts say.

“As Black people, we’re grieving,” said Allison Curry, a Los Angeles-based youth educator. “This has been going on for years, but we’re still fighting.”

If you’re hoping to be an ally to your Black friends and co-workers, we’ve put together some tips for the support that goes beyond the “How are you?” text messages.

THINK BEFORE YOU TO REACH OUT

Dr. Kali D. Cyrus, a Washington, D.C.-based psychiatrist, posted a Youtube video titled “13 Reasons Why You Should Pause Before Asking Black Friends, Colleagues and Humans How They Feel Right Now.” She explains that some Black people don’t even know how they feel, so trying to explain it to someone who can’t relate, isn’t a priority. Before starting the dialogue, consider your relationship with the person. Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis, a psychologist and minister, suggests that white people be prepared to listen, learn and not “make the movement about you.” “Show up with humility and respect,” Bryant-Davis said.

LEAN INTO THE DISCOMFORT

Don’t expect Black people to alter their message or tell half of their stories so that white people feel comfortable. According to Dr. Kimani Norrington-Sands, a clinical psychologist, African Americans are always in “survival mode.” She believes white Americans know about racism and discrimination but often don’t do anything about it. Accountability isn’t always comfortable, but it’s a necessary step to take, she suggests.